OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
