apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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