After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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