Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
