Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
