I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
