Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
