A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
