I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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