Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize