i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
