oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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