wakey wakey hands off snakey
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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