so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
