That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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