i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
