hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
