Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize