I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize