Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
