Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
