why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
