I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
