I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
