He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
