I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
