you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
