you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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