i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
