You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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