Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
