I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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