I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
