I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
