help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
