There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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