saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
