before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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