it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
