i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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