i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
