This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
