Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
