ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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