would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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