oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
