I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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