Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
