You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
