Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
