At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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