I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
