I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
