Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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