You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
