neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
