Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
