I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
