Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
