So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Terrible idea I love it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
