I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
