He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
