i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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