Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
