Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we're so committed to being not committed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
