i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
