I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
