they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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