I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
