I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
