K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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