Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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