I will die if light touches me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
