woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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