I think I am morally bankrupt
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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