I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
