Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
