There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
