apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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