shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
