im about as happy as oj after his trial
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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