Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
