I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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