Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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