Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
