have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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