yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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