that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
