But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
