maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
