Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
