I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
