Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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