I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
this is an emotional support booty call
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
