I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
