I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
