What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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