dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
