I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
