this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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