If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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