she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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