i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
