you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
