Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
