she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
