Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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