he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
