Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
