Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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