dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize