I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
