i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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